Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Why is it that at the toughest of times, people inevitably fail you? Or even more so, why do we fail ourselves? Last night, all I needed was for someone to take me seriously, to treat my situation like it mattered, but all I got was affirmation that everyone fights their own battles. Last night, I called to say the things that burnt me, but what you heard was everything short of the truth. "Bottle it up, pour it down, and everything will be better again". My biggest shortcoming in all my corners flawed, is the simple inability to tell the truth in all its versions, only in the ones that suit me most. I wanted to say I love you, that I want to come home, that I am terrified that I will disappoint, that all this waiting leaves my knees shaking, and all this fear of missing another ending drizzles puddles at my feet. And yet I talked about the weather, about Star Wars, about little things that mean nothing, and when you asked me for more, all I could muster was a "not really". And perhaps I could postulate that I am being strong for you, for him and for her, but if there's one thing I am certain about, it is how prone I am to selfish whims. Why rake up the ugly when the repercussions will bring you down on a beautiful day?
sherry @ 2:35:00 pm
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