Friday, July 01, 2005
It's Canada day today and the weather is so appropriately beautiful. And yet, I find myself wondering if I can fully exclaim the celebration of this nation that is not mine. I love this place more than anything; the city, the sounds, the sights. But I constantly wonder if you can live somewhere for the magnificence of the place alone, or if it's the people that make the stay worth it. Don't get me wrong, my friends here are awesome, but they have their own families and their own lives, they have places to go apart from me. I have a forest, a bed, a guitar and pavements to share with crowds of people. I've got a case of the foreign blues. And in the absence of the many daily distractions, I find that I've come face to face with the harsh affirmation that this is not home. I feel so alone in this place. Missing is no longer adequate to talk about the woes of this heart, perhaps desperation is more fitting. I still cry for you, partly because of the way you were taken from me, but partly too because of the many like you that will follow. I cry for the ones I love that haven't gone from me yet, only because if I save my tears for later, I will surely drown in their abundance. I cry for the ones I love because I cannot love them as they deserve from this far away, all I can say is I love you over and over and over again, but I fail them in their sorrow and I fail them in their darkest depths. I am sorry that all you read is upsetting; I assure you that I am happy, but this space only sees glimpses of my darkest hours. I am learning, learning how to look past things, learning that a broken heart can still love better than a full one. And I will wait, for He is not finished with me yet, I will wait.
sherry @ 1:38:00 pm
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