Monday, July 17, 2006
Sometimes I see it in his eyes, the way you used to look at me from time to time; the very look that used to make me feel safe, the one that made my heart ache when you were gone. And it is surprising how a look can hold so many things; the promises you could not keep like the ones that said you would be here for it all, and the promises you kept like the ones that said you would love me forever. And now I see it in his eyes from time to time, the look that tells me he wants to protect me, the one that reminds me of all the things I already know. And sometimes I bring myself back to a cool July night, when the fireworks went off skywards and the man next door crooned tunes on his saxophone, when I lay on the couch, my thoughts full of him, and you, and change, and home, and the future, and all those parts of me that even I cannot reconcile. And I think of when I sat on that airplane heading skywards towards the clouds, finally flying home to you to say goodbye and all those other words that you should have heard, and how I thought that things would be so different, how home would be different, and if only I could have imagined the magnitude with which I would miss you, then maybe I could have prepared myself. And now I am frightened that someday he will break me in ways I cannot blame him for, in the same way you broke me in a way I could not hold against you; to have someone taken from me, not by choice, but only by circumstance. And I am not trying to be dramatic, I am just trying to tell the truth, but I have said too much now, and I should stop.
sherry @ 3:04:00 pm
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